Texts From Last Night

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  (410): View more from Maryland

  To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...

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  (410): To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor... http://tfl.nu/oppe
  Replies (3) Good night (1143) Bad night (529)
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  (858): View more from California

  in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"

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  (858): in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby" http://tfl.nu/q8vs
  Replies (54) Good night (2172) Bad night (4891)
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  (515): View more from Iowa

  they need to just BURY HIM!

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  (515): they need to just BURY HIM! http://tfl.nu/yy9j
  Replies (148) Good night (3895) Bad night (1032)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.

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  (828): Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end. http://tfl.nu/rcny
  Replies (27) Good night (2696) Bad night (5170)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur

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  (843): woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur http://tfl.nu/wpeh
  Replies (31) Good night (5018) Bad night (939)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.

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  (606): Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes. http://tfl.nu/z8mg
  Replies (23) Good night (3725) Bad night (2185)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"

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  (970): I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983" http://tfl.nu/egdi
  Replies (31) Good night (1012) Bad night (5706)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.

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  (978): I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it. http://tfl.nu/93wr
  Replies (6) Good night (2522) Bad night (1048)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?

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  (630): hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night? http://tfl.nu/6bu9
  Replies (5) Good night (2188) Bad night (966)
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  (585): View more from New York

  In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?

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  (585): In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is? http://tfl.nu/537k
  Replies (13) Good night (3754) Bad night (1395)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning

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  (416): I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning http://tfl.nu/fy90
  Replies (10) Good night (741) Bad night (1251)
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  (972): View more from Texas

  I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?

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  (972): I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda? http://tfl.nu/bxk9
  Replies (13) Good night (1982) Bad night (662)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?

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  (817): I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes? http://tfl.nu/cea8
  Replies (15) Good night (3035) Bad night (652)
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  (323): View more from California

  Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.

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  (323): Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd. http://tfl.nu/ari3
  Replies (4) Good night (431) Bad night (329)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.

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  (+44): Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray. http://tfl.nu/2kem
  Replies (6) Good night (566) Bad night (333)

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