Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
25 People Didn’t Realize They Were Talking To Someone Famous
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.