I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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