Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Randomize
