what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
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so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
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i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?