great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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