He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
