wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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