Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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