so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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