Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
The struggles of a small town man whore
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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