Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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