If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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