508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
