he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
