I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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