it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
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As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I think your dad took our porno
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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