I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
