It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
