Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm getting married
To pizza
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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