Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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