Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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