I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
