Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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