i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
