Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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