i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
