apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
