you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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