Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Randomize
