Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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