My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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