called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
All the doctor said was why
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
