He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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