woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
