she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
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