My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
