thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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