I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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