I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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