i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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