Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
