At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
