first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
He passed out mid-signature
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
