giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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