I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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