During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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