Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
