If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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