We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
