Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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