Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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