ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
