i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
