If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
