went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
