Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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