i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
