Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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