i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
