It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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