literally had 100 drinks last night.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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