Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Dignity is for republicans.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
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