I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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