hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We had sex on a dog bed..
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
