Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
this will be a night to untag.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
