when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
